Almost There ...

I'm sitting waiting for the school bus to come. The littles are asleep. The house is quiet. In two days, school is done for 9 weeks. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm done. We're done.

The last few months have taken a lot out of us in this little yellow house. Since March, we feel like we haven't been able to catch our breath.

(Perhaps that's a feeling we need to get used to, with 5 little "us-es" in the house....Just sayin....)

We've had problems with bullying. Problems with teachers. Problems with friends. Problems with other parents. Problems with the house. Problems with each other. Pick a category. We've filled it.

I've lost a tremendous amount of respect for one of my children's teachers. And for some of the staff within their school as well. I don't feel as though we were treated as parents should be, and I'm not the only one in town feeling this way. I'm ready to have a break from dealing with this, though I know it will be waiting at the end of August. I'll be fresher, and more ready to fight.

I've thought long, hard and often about leaving the PTO part of my name. It's sad that grown ups can act more like children at times than children actually do. I'm staying a part of the organization, if only to not leave a friend without the support she's given to me. That's what friends do. But I've already taken a big step back into the shadows. I like it here. I think I'll stay.

We have no set plans for the summer. No camps, no daily schedule. Just my girls, and boy, a swimming pool, playdates, tutoring, a few classes, and a hopeful trip North. Bring it. Two more days.

RSVP?

We have a lot of birthday parties around here. A lot.

I'm noticing a new trend. Lists are written of friends we want to have come celebrate at our party. Invitations are mailed out. Plans are made. RSVP dates come and pass. And people don't respond.

How incredibly frustrating. And how incredibly rude.
And what terrible manners people are teaching to their children.

My own children have gone to school asking their classmates to remind their parents to respond to an invitation. Just a simple yes or no, no reasons (or excuses) needed. I've sent emails, texts and phone calls to people we see every day sometimes and still get no response. What is wrong with this? Do you see it? Do they not?

I simply want to help my children celebrate turning older. One of our daughters has even waited three months to have a party so she could share her backyard swimming pool with the classmates she spends every day with. It shouldn't be this hard to plan a 6 year old's party.

Couldn't Disagree More

I subscribe to a daily motivational email site. Usually, the thoughts I receive are uplifting, helping to gear me on a positive path for the day.

Today, I couldn't disagree more.

Here was my email for today:


          "The more you trust folks, Amy, the less they let you down."


Pardon me as I break for a loud, guffawing laugh, similar to Tom Hank's laugh from "The Money Pit," when his clawfoot tub has just fallen through the bathroom floor (which is a home improvement phenomenon not unfamiliar to those of us living in this old, little yellow house).

I've been given reason by many, including myself, to trust no one. No one has ever lived up to what they've said to me (again, including me). And I've found myself under the wheels of far too many buses from trusting someone I thought I could, or should, only to have my heart broken yet again.

Though I suppose maybe the good that came from today's email is the sarcastic humor that I find in it? After all, I did start the day with a laugh.

Destination: Birthday

Tomorrow we're doing something we've never done. We're having a birthday party at a party place. We're paying for a party package.

I've shied away from parties like these, preferring to take care of all the festivities myself. Mostly out of cost savings, but also thinking parties for my girls would be more fun at home. We've had a few at a local park, but all the planning was on me.

This is different. I could get used to this! The crafts, the games, the decoration and the "cake" are all taken care of by the "it" place for kids to go in town... the local "fro-yo" bar. A place I will admit we visit a little too often. 

But, for us, it works.

And it's one of the most relaxing parties that we have had!

Heaven's Friend

I've been thinking a lot lately of my friend who has now spent 3 years in Heaven today, and desperately wishing for one of her hugs. ♥ One of our talks. One of her "I love yous." Her birthday passed last Friday. Her passing is marked today. Her good-bye will be remembered on Sunday.

How I wish we could go back to our simple days of Dunkin Donuts and kids playing at the park. I wish so much that it hurts. I have never missed a person as much as I miss her.

The sky is cloudy today, so I can't look for the angel clouds like we used to, but I absolutely know that they are there.

I'm About to Become "That Parent"

I got into trouble today at my children's school.

I got a phone call telling me I broke the rules.

I went to school to attend to PTO duties. 

I alerted one daughter's teacher that the cupcakes they were waiting for were in the office. Today is her birthday. She is 8. (The office had not yet told the teacher the cupcakes were there.)

I hugged my other daughter in her classroom, as my husband and I were both invited to do so by her teacher during conferences, after we learned of anxiety issues surrounding excessive code blue drills. 

I disrupted their days. 

I broke the rules.

My double stroller, toddler, 10 month old and I were perceived as wandering the school, thus rendering it unsafe.

But as long as my children continue to feel unsafe in their school, I will continue to break the rules. It is my job as a mother to ensure that they feel safe, and loved. Until that doubt is removed from their minds, as long as they need the reassurance, I will break the rules.

A Badge of Motherhood

At my youngest daughter's toddler class this morning I noticed that the knee on the capris I was wearing were starting to look worn. I got disappointed because it's not the first pair I've noticed recently. I've got quite a few pairs of pants that are getting threadbare, and will have to do some shopping, and soon, before the knees wear out.

A few years ago I had a few pairs of holes-in-the-knees jeans that I would wear, and a person I was friends with at the time would make me feel bad about them. Enough so that I got rid of several pairs.

Shame on me.

I realized this morning that those worn knees are badges of motherhood, announcing to the world that I spend a large part of my day on the ground with my children. Playing, tending, cuddling, crawling, hugging.

So I'll rock my worn-kneed jeans and capris. It's a sign that I do my job well.