Nine years ago, when we started out to have a family, little did we know how hard it would be. Oh, getting pregnant was the easy (and fun) part. It was the staying pregnant part that was hard. While 2002 was the hardest year that I could ever imagine, I wouldn't want it to have happened any other way. Those three little angels knew that I needed my girls, and my girls needed me, more than I needed them. What wonderfully unselfish things for those little angels to do for me. I can't wait to see them one day and thank them.
It's my fourth angel that is hardest for me to heal from. He or she was given to me when least expected, not prepared for. And that baby was given up for someone I thought I loved, for someone I thought loved me. I can't believe that this is now part of my life. It may take 50 years for me to understand the reasons why. I can only hope that one day I can see that child, and ask them to forgive me. To forgive us.
Mommy loves you.
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