A few weeks ago I was shopping with my girls for items to put into a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child. In the shopping center where I parked, I noticed a familiar car.
It has been nearly a year since I have seen the driver of that very blue car, and over 6 months since I have spoken to her. Still, given this opportunity, I tried my best to write a note of apology, forgiveness and grace to this once "sister" of mine. After three crumpled attempts, I gave up. I couldn't do it.
I am not ready to forgive her.
How is it, then, that I can forgive so many others whose hurts and wrongs seem so much more destructive than the ways this person and her husband have hurt me and my husband?
Because we expected more.
I think deep down we knew what we were getting when we cultivated friendships with some, though we didn't really want to admit it. We turned a blind eye to the gossiping and backstabbing, to the ways they easily complained and threw each other under the bus. It's shame on us for wanting these friendships, knowing the shallowness that lies beneath.
But this friendship was more. It went deeper. It was family. Or so we thought.
We turned to them for the support, guidance and love that a brother and a sister should give. The kind we had given so many times over the nearly 2 decades of our friendship, of our family. The holidays shared, the birthdays celebrated, the weddings danced at, the babies birthed and the babies mourned. And they turned away.
We have no answer for our girls when they ask us where their "aunt" and "uncle" have been. We have no answer when they recognize someone walking down the street and question why we no longer stop to talk.
I have no answer for my husband why his "brother from another mother" chooses the people who tried to ruin his life and destroy his wife. I have no answer why we asked, "Help us," and they said, "no."
When I got back into my van that day, my girls asked, "Mommy, did you write a note for that car, too?"
"No," I told them sadly and with tears. "I couldn't do it."
6 comments:
They have to look themselves in the eye each time they look in the mirror. Their conscience will remind them it is their loss, not yours.
I cannot imagine the pain you have gone through. The betrayal and hurt. And the way you have risen from it all is inspiring. I hope one day you are able to heal from that pain as well.
The gossip will always be a part, you are lucky you got out when you did. Some of us aren't so lucky.
That is very sad for the "Brother from another Mother."
VK
You have to wonder about a person who can give up on a friendship so easily.
yeah like this blogger did!! turn her back on peopel who only help.
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