*FROM Wickipedia*
Friendship is a form of interpersonal relationship generally considered to be closer than association, although there is a range of degrees of intimacy in both friendships and associations. Friendship and association are often thought of as spanning across the same continuum and are sometimes viewed as weaknesses.
The study of friendship is included in the fields of sociology, social psychology, anthropology, philosophy, and zoology. Various academic theories of friendship have been proposed, among which are social exchange theory, equity theory, relational dialectics, and attachment styles.
Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:
- The tendency to desire what is best for the other
- Sympathy and empathy
- Honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
- Mutual understanding and compassion; ability to go to each other for emotional support
- Enjoyment of each other's company
- Trust in one another
- Positive reciprocity — a relationship is based on equal give-and-take between the two parties.
- The ability to be oneself, express one's feelings and make mistakes without fear of judgement.
The above was sent to me recently, after I've learned that someone else I trusted in friendship with secrets and stories, vulnerabilities and wrongs betrayed all that I told her. When will I learn?
5 comments:
I have also recently learned that someone who I considered a friend and whom I supported and defended through some very difficult times, had betrayed me and my family.
My husband and I were frequently called upon for help and advice and made ourselves available at any hour of the day or night, dropping whatever we were doing to be with this friend who needed us. He and I often found ourselves ostracized for our friendship with her, but we continued to defend her and her husband, even as recently as last week.
Over the past year or so, this friend has chosen not to have contact with us, I understood they wanted to move on to another chapter in their life, I did not agree but I respected their decision.
But a few days ago my daughter learned from the president of a social group, that our friend tried to block her from joining because our friend expressed a discomfort with being around this family.
When I told my husband about this, he said not to worry because the people who know us will know better than that. But my problem was 4 fold:
1. It would be reasonable for someone (who did not know us) to think that we are unpleasant to be around.
2. To someone who knows that she have had some personal betrayal; one could easily presume that we had something to do with that betrayal.
3. To someone who knows that a married man was involved could very well think it was my husband.
4. She could have succeeded in keeping my daughter and my two grandchildren from enjoying and benefiting from the group.
Her words may have done damage to my family’s reputation, but we may never know.
For everything we did for this friend and her family, we asked for and expected nothing in return; but, I thought we’d get a little better treatment than this.
So I understand the hurt that comes from this kind of betrayal.
I pray I will never learn not to trust or to give of myself.
I pray I learn to love even more, because when a person is willing to hurt a friend like this, that person must still be hurting.
I pray that I will be willing to do it all over again.
I feel your pain.
Valorie
I have also recently learned that someone who I considered a friend and whom I supported and defended through some very difficult times, had betrayed me and my family.
My husband and I were frequently called upon for help and advice and made ourselves available at any hour of the day or night, dropping whatever we were doing to be with this friend who needed us. He and I often found ourselves ostracized for our friendship with her, but we continued to defend her and her husband, even as recently as last week.
Over the past year or so, this friend has chosen not to have contact with us, I understood they wanted to move on to another chapter in their life, I did not agree but I respected their decision.
But a few days ago my daughter learned from the president of a social group, that our friend tried to block her from joining because our friend expressed a discomfort with being around this family.
When I told my husband about this, he said not to worry because the people who know us will know better than that. But my problem was 4 fold:
1. It would be reasonable for someone (who did not know us) to think that we are unpleasant to be around.
2. To someone who knows that she have had some personal betrayal; one could easily presume that we had something to do with that betrayal.
3. To someone who knows that a married man was involved could very well think it was my husband.
4. She could have succeeded in keeping my daughter and my two grandchildren from enjoying and benefiting from the group.
Her words may have done damage to my family’s reputation, but we may never know.
For everything we did for this friend and her family, we asked for and expected nothing in return; but, I thought we’d get a little better treatment than this.
So I understand the hurt that comes from this kind of betrayal.
I pray I will never learn not to trust or to give of myself.
I pray I learn to love even more, because when a person is willing to hurt a friend like this, that person must still be hurting.
I pray that I will be willing to do it all over again.
I feel your pain.
Valorie
Responding to the latest commenter about this part of your message:
"But a few days ago my daughter learned from the president of a social group, that our friend tried to block her from joining because our friend expressed a discomfort with being around this family. "
I am President of the local MOMS Club and if this comment is about me and our club it is untrue. We are open to moms of all ages and stages and it is against our by-laws to "block" anyone!
The only conversation that I had that could have been mis-construed into what you describe was via facebook personal messaging and the anonymous mom wrote me:
"I do not think I will be joining the group one of your member asked me not to cause apparently we go to a church she used to go to.... ?? "
My response: "don't let one person hold you back.. unless you REALLY want to respect their request. if it's who i'm thinking of she doesn't participate a huge amount in MOMS club stuff other than infant playgroups very much any how... of course you are an adult and should make your own decisions... "
Just wanted to clear that up IF indeed this comment is regarding our local MOMS Club.
All are welcome!
To Clarify: If the initial comment was indeed about MOMS Club.... No member has requested to the President in the last year that a specific mom be "blocked" from membership NOR would that be appropriate anyways since we are a support group for MOMS!!! Completely against our by-laws and what we are founded on!
This current President has not communicated to any potential members that they were requested to be "blocked".
I do hope this clears up that issue ;)
Peace,
-d
Thank you, my comments was not about the Moms Club, I've only heard great things about it.
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